A New Beginning

In a few hours, we’ll be counting down the seconds until midnight, cheering and ringing in a new year. It’s no secret that this New Year’s Eve is a bigger deal than usual. We’re entering a new decade!

I’m taking this opportunity to look back at the decade that’ll be coming to a close since this could arguably be the ten years in which I’ve grown the most, seen the most change, learned the most and really began stepping into my own.

2010

Ten years ago I was 20-years-old. Just typing that is crazy!

I was a junior at the University of Minnesota, majoring in journalism as a full-time student, deep in my 3rd of (ultimately) 6 internships, and working part-time at a hardware store.

2010 was a pivotal year for me individually and professionally. That summer, my apartment was robbed. My cameras were stolen. My computer. My TV. Even my spare change. I came home from work to find a broken door frame and the most important things in my life missing. What really rattled me was that my room was the only one that was missing anything. My roommates just down the hall had touchscreen computers (which were a big deal back then!), credit cards sitting out, and video game consoles— but nothing was touched. I have no idea if I was targeted or if the burglars got scared that someone was coming home and bolted before stealing from the other rooms.

My world felt like it was crashing down around me. I quickly became more private. I stayed in more. I talked to fewer people. I immersed myself into work and my then-relationship and shut myself off. I didn’t trust anyone and I had a hard time even telling people that I was a photographer for fear of being robbed again.

It’s something I’m working through still— but it’s taught me a lot of great lessons. I got a safe to keep all of my equipment in. I back EVERYTHING up on separate hard drives and I’m extremely cautious when it comes to disclosing how much gear I own and what it’s worth.

I never found out who robbed my apartment (that I shared with 5 roommates… all of whom were out of town that weekend) and never got my gear back.

2011

This was a transitional year. I graduated from college and found myself applying to jobs endlessly. There were few staff photographer jobs in the country, let alone in Minneapolis and I never wanted to move. I was stubborn as hell and belived that my 6 internships gave me more experience than other applicants right off the bat— except newspapers were laying off photogs left and right and there were photos with 20-years of experience applying for entry level roles. This did not make a great starting point for me.

My internships did come to my aid after creating my relationships with many photo editors. I morphed into a freelance role and became a stringer for some of the biggest newspapers in Minnesota. This was the first time I learned I could make money doing what I was passionate about… I mean… what a concept!!

I wasn’t making enough through freelance, so I started working at a franchised portrait studio and it was my worst job ever— up until then.

2012

I made the leap. I jumped into freelance photography with the gentle push from my mom. I was living with my parents and trying to balance a schedule at the portrait studio and accepting freelance gigs that would come up sporadically. Once I realized (with my mom’s help) that I was turning down a lot of gigs due to working at the studio and that it was interfering more than it was benefiting me ($10 an hour with a degree?!), I put in my notice and was out!

I had no real bills. I’m on the extremely lucky millennials without college debt. My grandparents gifted their grandkids with savings bonds throughout our entire childhoods up until their passing. My parents gifted me a lot of extra savings bonds my dad had received and were generous enough to save for college for me since I was a kid… I am by no means unaware just how lucky I am (and was) to be in this position. Without looming student loan debt, it was easy to live on sporadic payments!

Every assignment that came my way, I jumped at it! That meant canceling on friends, missing family obligations, breaking plans with my then-boyfriend and working odd hours. It might not sound glamorous… and that’s probably because it wasn’t. Not even a little. Yes, I got to experience some pretty cool things. I met a lot of influential people, saw a lot of behind-the-scenes events and started to finally call myself photographer when people asked what I did instead of saying I was trying to become a photographer.

By the end of 2012, I had left a 3-year relationship, was working full-time in photography and was picking up steam!

2013

The biggest and best thing that happened to me in 2013 was beginning dating my now-husband. We were friends for years before our first date! I moved out from my parents house and took the leap to having real, adult bills as a freelancer. It was scary as hell but helped with my confidence as a photographer and adult in general!

This was the first step in learning that it’s possible to be self-employed. It was engrained in my brain from an early age that you graduate high school, go to college and then get a job. So taking a different path that no one close to me had taken before was scary, risky, and made a huge impact in my life in ways I didn’t even realize at that time.

In early 2013, I was incredibly focused on getting to the next step in my career— landing a staff position at a daily newspaper. I found myself to be incredibly fortunate to have a partner that was just as focused on his craft as I was on mine. We had many nights of “separate togetherness” where we were texting each other throughout the nights of us working— me on-location at various assignments, him with his many bands at the studio.

2014

Took the adulting a step further and moved into my own apartment. Living alone was the best thing to happen to me at that time. It forced me to really live within my means and budget with no one’s business.

I learned a lot— mainly that I love having my own space! haha

More than that, what I learned is that I was capable of providing for myself and living a happy life on my freelance salary— paying for the life I wanted to live through photography. My husband and I took our first vacation to Chicago that summer (and began the tradition of only eating deep dish pizza for the entire time we're there!) I met an old friend in New Year for a few days of site seeing before she joined us in Minneapolis for Christmas. I even got laser eye surgery to correct a lifetime of impaired vision and not being able to see 3 feet in front of my face (Have you seen the movie The Grey? That’s what convinced me I needed to not wear glasses or contacts again!).

2014 was filled with freelance assignment after freelance assignment…many with less than 24 hours notice. While that might sound awful to some, it totally gave me life. I loved the constant change and the unknown that each assignment brought. This was the height of actually wanting to have my phone with me at all times because if I didn’t I could have lost a job. These days, my outlook on phone time is much different…

2015

This was the first of a string of polarizing years for me. For all the assignments and how busy I was in 2014, a lot of the freelance work I had started to dry up all of a sudden. I went from working every weekend and multiple times each week, to a handful of shoots the entire month.

In hindsight, this is when I began tying my sense of worth and success as an individual so closely to that of my career. If my personal life was great (which it was!), but my career was floundering, then my whole life was in free fall — at least that’s how 26yo Bre saw things.

During the summer, my (now) husband and I moved into together. It was a real transition for both of us, but ultimately the right decision, obviously :)

3 months after I moved into his apartment, I saw a staff photographer job posting for a newspaper 90-minutes from Minneapolis. I was still working towards getting on staff at a daily newspaper and still applying to every positing I saw. So upon seeing this, I applied without thinking too much about it.

Then I got the offer to interview. We talked about how we’d figure it out and make it work. After all, we had already been talking about making a big change— moving to California to see what else life could hold for us! We were planning to move west in Fall 2016. Even if I got this staff job, it would’ve been a great opportunity to spend a full year on staff, get through a year lease on a new apartment, then still move west together.

The interview went well. I was half sold on the idea going in, but when I leaving and driving home, I was able to picture the new possibility of what my life could be. It was exciting! I’d never received benefits or a decent pay check every 2 weeks before! It was down to me and one other guy, and the day when I was told I’d hear if I got it came and went. I’d heard nothing.

Then I got the voicemail. They offered it to the other guy and he took it.

So that was that. The job that I thought that was coming in at the perfect time to save me from the lack of work and money as a freelancer and still have the opportunity to move west the following year was no longer a possibility. I was completely crushed.

About a month later, I took a job at a snowboard warehouse pulling stock to fill orders. It was an easy job but it sucked the life out of me. Walking concrete floor aisles for 12+ hours a day and having hours to think about how I was failing and becoming a failure was more than I could handle. I bought all the snowboard gear I could possibly need (and then some…) but I was in a completely different mental state. Not a depression, but definitely down and so damn close to out.

I continued to try to take every freelance job I could but they just weren’t coming. I hated getting up so early to go to a windowless warehouse. I hated leaving that warehouse in the dark to go home to a garden-level apartment. I hated the constant repetition. I hated that no matter how hard I was working nothing was happening.

2016

Come February, freelance work started to pick up again. Leave it to me— I’m very, very good at thinking myself into an anxiety spiral. Who else is with me?!

I was finally getting enough assignments that I could quite the warehouse and go back to photography full-time, but I still couldn’t help but feel like I was failing. I was still struggling financially and I was finding myself in a really rough spot and not sure how to continue. We still had our dream to move to California and actually went to LA to visit friends and scope out some neighborhoods with the plan of moving in the fall.

Then, I got the call.

That ‘other guy’ the newspaper hired the previous fall just put in his resignation. The editor reached out to me to offer me the job, point blank. That was on a Friday afternoon. I had to let him know by Monday morning.

Talk about whirlwind.

We were still planning to move west in the fall. We had JUST (like literally the weekend before!) emptied our storage unit of all my extra things that we didn’t need duplicates of because we were living together and having no reason to ever live apart again. Bed, pots, pans, dishes, knives, bedding, towels, literally everything!

My boyfriend (no husband) was incredibly supportive— telling me I needed to take the opportunity while we were both crying. So, I took it.

I moved out a month later and thus began an incredibly difficult time for us.

We would spend as much time of our weekends together as we could without ignoring everyone else in our lives. We had four months of “90-minutes” distance before he moved to California in September.

We decided it made the most sense to continue with the original plan. He and his best friend moved west and my plan was to stay at my job, finish the lease on my studio apartment, then meet him out in California in April/May 2017.

What I didn’t imagine was how much it was going to hurt. Physically feeling the pain of the physical distance. Feeling him driving further and further away. Being in different time zones (even if it was only 2 hours difference). Having incredibly different work schedules. Not feeling connected. The morning he left, I drove 90-minutes back to my apartment in a total state of numb. I walked in the door and practically before my bags hit Indeed and began job hunting again.

After a few failed phone interviews, I secured a job in South Lake Tahoe at a ski resort. I would be snowboarding everyday and creating photos and videos for the resort’s marketing. It was a dream job! It finally started to seem like things were working out. I was leaving what was the entry level of my dream job, but I told myself it wasn’t really “the dream.” I’m very, very good (like to a fault) of finding the negatives. Like this not being god enough, or that being wrong or this thing is taking advantage of my willingness to go above and beyond my job’s duties… etc. So, I put in my resignation and felt like a complete asshole for putting my editor back in the hiring position for the 3rd time in less than a year.

I packed all the things that I had just bought to live alone again and I moved after 2 months of ‘2,000 miles’ of distance and started work in November. This job actually ended up being alright. I learned a lot about event production, marketing, creating a brand voice… all sorts of things that I still use today… but Bre, Queen of the Negative showed up again and started finding things that weren’t great within 2 months. The season was expected to go until Spring 2017 but I wasn’t under contact. We thought it would be awesome if I could land a job in the Bay Area and that we could move there after the season wrapped. So, I updated my resume and cover letters again and started applying. But… the universe had a different plan that turned everything completely upside down.

By the end of December, I was out of work on disability.

December 28, 2016 had me working on the mountain… just as I had for weeks already. I was shooting video while riding, then out of nowhere, a visitor flies past me on a snowboard— far too close and far too fast for the space we were in. During the new employee orientation, I was told that while riding on the clock, employees are never to ever be involved in a crash, and to do whatever was necessary to avoid it.

I took that policy to heart. That snowboarder cut me off and I couldn’t stop. In order to avoid him, I fell on purpose. What I wasn’t planning for was to break both bones in my left wrist. This was 3 days after Christmas.

I went to urgent care at the base of the mountain (which incidentally was about 200 feet from our front door…). X-rays concluded that I broke two bones in my wrist. I didn’t have health insurance at the time and I was friggin’ broke— $10 an hour at this job wouldn’t allow me to have insurance and eat and rent an apartment at the same time… I resisted any form of drugs in hopes of paying a little as possible…. until my then-boyfriend reminded me of this little thing called workers’ comp.

I visited the doctor a few days later where they would try to reset my wrist… again. Instead, it was decided I needed surgery to reset, clean up bone fragments and stabilize the bones. #sweet

2017

Five days in 2017, I had surgery to repair both broken bones in my wrist. All around it was a horrible experience. My husband was never notified of my status. The surgeon and his PA left without telling him anything. The routine surgery turned in hours of knowing nothing. They even started turning off the waiting room lights on him— on top of it being a multi-foot snowstorm that day.

Come the end of January, I was cleared to go back to work by my doctor. And the resort fired me. They said it was my fault. They stopped returning my calls. They never sent me any formal paperwork. I was ghosted by my employer who promised that my job would be waiting for me and that they would find something for me because I was essential to the team!

They went from paying me 60% of my wage while out on workers’ comp (which came down to $8/hr) to paying nothing. They legally had to pay my medical bills (thank God because I didn’t have insurance) but I was bringing in zero money.

If you’ve never visited, mountain towns are expensive as hell. Gas, food, everything is more expensive. And wages are low. And on top of that, who was going to hire someone that literally couldn’t move even her fingers on her left hand?!

I focused on my physically therapy as my full-time job and within three months after surgery I hand 85% of my movement back. I had my eye on the long term goal—

Before moving to California, I had been recruited to document a mission trip in Nigeria in May. Paperwork was already signed, my visa was complete, everything was in motion and I needed to be able to carry and hold and shoot 15+ pounds of camera gear for 10 days. I have no doubt that this is what continued to push me to work harder at my physical therapy exercises!

I managed to secure a retail job in town to bring in some money— though I wasn’t able to get full-time hours. I continued to job hunt and apply to jobs in California— with my eye still on San Francisco or Sacramento!

One month before I departed to Nigeria, I went through a multi-interview process with a startup in Silicon Valley. It was a huge opportunity that I was incredibly excited at the possibility! We drove to the Bay two times for in-person interviews after a phone interview. I spent hours completing a test shoot and editing test videos over Easter weekend.

Then the week that I was told I would learn who was to be offered the job came and went. I had sent multiple follow-up emails and made them aware I would be out of service range in Nigeria and as I was sitting the airport, ready to board, I got the call. I couldn’t answer it— it was too much.

The voicemail popped up. I didn’t get it. They went with the other candidate. And I had 13 hours to think about it on the flights to Africa….

I found myself back in such familiar territory. I was completely crushed. I was so sure I was going to get that job. Realistically, I wouldn’t have been happy there for long— it had nothing to do with storytelling and the compensation probably wouldn't have been enough to offset the incredible cost of living in the Bay Area. But still… I was crushed.

The trip to Nigeria was an absolutely incredible experience. I’ll have to do a whole separate blog about that though. But those 10-days really boosted my self-esteem (as an individual, as a photographer and, as a storyteller) and allowed me to jump back into job hunting when I got back to the states. Somehow, I managed to secure 3 interviews before we even left Minneapolis to head back to Lake Tahoe.

After a lot of applications, I had a string of back-to-back Skype interviews for multimedia roles in Minneapolis. I was offered two of them. I went back and forth between which one to pick. One job had a bigger salary. The other job would have fed my soul. I chose the money.

That’s when I learned I can’t make decisions based on money alone— but it wasn’t my only time needing to learn this lesson.

On my first day as a multimedia producer, I was sitting as my desk with my first project. We had just packed up and moved back to Minnesota, moved in with my parents and sold most of our possessions in order to fit both of our lives into one truck, one roof top carrier and one trailer. It all hit me. This was one helluva mistake.

This job broke me down in a whole new way. I was constantly told my ideas weren’t good enough or that they were too out there… that we should just stick to what already works. My boss even brought me into her office to tell me that I was “the weakest link on the video team.” It took every ounce of my being to not walk out on the spot.

I missed the mountains… the trees. The feeling of freedom. Sure, the grass is always greener wherever you aren’t… but this felt even deeper. 3 days after my boss told me that, I was stuck sharing a hotel room with her at the company’s summit event in Arizona. Talk about shady business practices.

Even with missing the mountains, we ended up buying a house in Minneapolis thanks to first-time home buyer programs. We figure it’s best to stabilize ourselves financially before we attempt another stab out west where a gallon of gas is almost double!

2018

2018 brought a couple big things. The first, an engagement.

Two days left in 2017, he popped the question. It felt like the only thing in my life that was moving forward was my relationship.

I my relationship with my job continue to go downhill. I basically took a second job applying to every job I could possibly find. I even went as far as checking job sites during the day on my phone… I was completely miserable.

The only positive was that I had 4 weeks PTO and used most of it for freelance jobs that popped up during the work day. I mean… who takes PTO to go to work?

I continued to look and look and finally got a lead from a friend who recently started a new job with a company who was also hiring a videographer. We chatted about it and she put in a good word for me. Within a week, I had landed the new job and was essentially telling my boss to shove it. I gave less than 2 weeks notice. It didn’t feel great but my mental health needed it.

From the very beginning of my new role, I should’ve seen all of the red flags— and there were many: including the fact that I started my new job at night before I even finished my old one. My new boss was already texting and calling me during the work day (mind you… still at my old job…). That alone should’ve had me thinking twice.

I continued on and ended up working for this company for nearly a year to the date I began. I got a point were I was having the “Sunday Scaries” on Saturday afternoon. Every time my phone buzzed, my anxiety spiked. It was constant. I was expected to drop everything else in my life to do whatever was asked at any time of day. I couldn't take it! it would be one thing if I was passionate about the work, but I quickly went from ‘Director of Creative’ to “Glorified Gopher'.’ I went from being out shooting video every day, to being a middle-man and scheduling assistant. I never would’ve taken the job if I would’ve had the foresight to not think a job could be perfect.

I’ll admit it— I had my hesitations in the first place. I didn’t apply when I first saw the posting (before I even talked to my friend about it) and I judged the founder of the business based on his advertising. I thought it wouldn’t be a good fit… and then I talked myself out of it because I was so desperate to leave that previous job. I took the job based on a substantial salary hike but I needed to learn the lesson that money will never buy happiness— or make a shit job a dream job.

2018 continued and I continued to search for jobs and work on freelance as it popped up. I kept telling myself that I wanted to go back to being my own boss by April of 2018. April came and went and I had made no moves to bring that dream a reality. And before I knew it, it was the end of December and I was looking at starting another new year miserable in my career.

2019

January brought some serious change. I started listening to more motivational podcasts— talks about manifestation, aligning of the stars, purposely closing doors so that others would open, removing a safety net so that you’re forced to make it work. And that was exactly was I needed.

It lit a fire under my ass and got me moving! I started attending free webinars to learn new skills, taking online challenges to test what I’ve learn and see if being self-employed again was something I could actually do.

One day in February was where it all really hit me. There was a massive snowstorm that was shutting down half the roads and my boss told me to drive all across town to complete a task that had no deadline. It could’ve waited until the next day but instead of letting their “remote” employee actually be remote, I had to drive up, down, back and forth in a damn blizzard. I had enough. After completely the task, I met my fiancé for lunch. I was in the middle of an anxiety attack that felt like every pressure i’d ever felt in my life was pushing down on my head and shoulders. I physically couldn’t sit up straight… I couldn’t smile. It took everything to keep from crying at lunch. At that point, I given a challenge.

We weren’t in a financial position for me to quit my job and put the burden of everything money on my partner… and when we were finally recovering from 2017’s financial disaster, I didn’t want to! My fiancé told me that once I was able to book out enough work to pay for my part of the bills for 2 months, I should quit.

And that’s exactly what happened. I went home that day and finished up my work and started working for myself that night. Even reflecting on it as I write this, that’s when Uncommon Collaborative was born.

I set up a separate work station in my bedroom so working from home wouldn’t distract or limit me from working on myself after hours. I began working on ideas and branding and what I could offer that was different from the thousand other photographers in the Twin Cities. I was forced to reflect what made me happy… because if I was going to have zero financial stability to a while, I better be friggin’ happy!

By April, I found myself typing my letter of resignation and I practically skipped into the office that day! My boss’ reaction and response made it clear I was making the right decision! That afternoon I clicked “launch” on UncommonCollaborative.com and started serious outreach.

That summer, I found myself as a new entrepreneur also trying to plan a wedding! I mean… who quits their job and gets married 5 months later?! There were a lot of hours put in… wedding planning that coincided with client work and deadlines that crunched my sanity but it was worth it!

The big day finally came and Dillon and I wed on September 7 after 6.5 years together. I can honestly say that I couldn’t have found a more supporting partner. He’s everything I needed on this crazy road. He understand that it’s possible to WANT to work… something that it took me so long to find again. After the wedding, we hit the road for 3 weeks and camped, hiked and laughed to our hearts desire. Sure, I was stressed about being gone for so long (it’s not like I have someone else that can cover my shifts or that I have PTO checks being deposited into my account) but if you can’t take advantage of the many perks of working for yourself, then why bother…. right?

—

I firmly believe that the universe continually tests us. Even when you think you made the right decision, it’ll ask, “Wait… are you sure?” It will keep tempting you with the easy option that won’t help you grow. The quick fix-it that won’t offer long-term results.

I’m only 8 months into the roller coaster of entreprenuership and I sure as hell have been tested by the universe offering other opportunities that would make life more simple, more cushy…. easier.

But looking back at a decade of work, decisions and life, I’m exactly where I’ve always been meant to be. It took me longer to find it than others, but I’m incredibly grateful to be here. I’m grateful to all of my clients that took a chance on me early on and continue to support me and the mission of Uncommon Collaborative!

I can’t believe I started this decade as a 20-year-old with one goal in mind and am ending it as a 31-year-old with a whole world of possibilities in front of her.

Cheers to making this next decade the best one yet!

Interested in having Uncommon Collaborative help tell your story?